Intimacy, control, and toxicity: A social penetration analysis of cohabiting students’ relationships in Yogyakarta

Abstract

This study is motivated by the phenomenon of cohabitation among students in Yogyakarta, which reflects shifting social and moral values amid modernisation. Students who choose to live together without marriage often face complex interpersonal communication dynamics, which in many cases develop into toxic relationships. This condition is interesting to study because it shows the contradiction between modern freedom and local cultural values. This study uses Social Penetration Theory (Altman & Taylor) to analyse the stages of self-disclosure and the depth of interpersonal relationships that occur. The research method uses a descriptive qualitative approach. Data was collected through in-depth interviews with five student informants who were cohabiting in Yogyakarta. Data analysis focused on four aspects: (1) stages of self-disclosure, (2) reciprocal balance of self-disclosure, (3) dimensions of depth and breadth of self-disclosure as tools of manipulation, and (4) perceptions of cost and reward in toxic relationships. The results show that the process of self-disclosure develops rapidly due to physical closeness but is not balanced by emotional readiness and healthy privacy boundaries. This imbalance in communication gives rise to domination, emotional control, and manipulation, which are hallmarks of toxic relationships. These findings confirm that physical closeness does not guarantee stable emotional intimacy. The implications of this research emphasise the importance of understanding healthy interpersonal communication, which focuses on emotional balance and respect for individual privacy. Practically, the results of this study can be used as a reference for higher education institutions and student counsellors in designing education and guidance related to healthy communication in student romantic relationships.